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At Work: Communications (9)

Good conversation is like a good song: elegant and touching.

I once listened in on my wife's phone interviews. Her English is good and so are her technicals. However, in my opinion, she didn't do well in these interviews. Why? Because she talked too fast and her voice was too loud, often high-pitched.

Many of us have the same problem. We talk fast to show we're good with English or good with the subject. We talk loud to "emphasize" our points. Unfortunately, neither is good.

Talking too fast or too loud could easily leave the impression that we're not confident or we're nervous. This weakens our effectiveness as a communicator.

The best way to emphasize our points, ironically, is to lower our voice. In the classic movie "The Godfather", the big mob boss always talked in a low voice, sometimes even hard to hear. Yet he never failed to intimidate his opponents. It's the same with his son Michael, the heir designate. The scene where Michael argued with his older brother Fredo is a great example that power doesn't need shouting: Fredo talked the most, yelling and screaming, while Michael only said a few words, almost like whispering. In communications, our power comes from the strength of our arguments or the strength of our position, not from the strength of our voice.

Good communicators emphasize rhythm. Like a good song: sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes in between. They go slow with complicated logic. They go fast to dramatize a point. They pause to give their audience time to chew. They deliver the conclusion one word at a time, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

We should also let other people have rhythm. Many of us habitually interrupt people. I do this even now, after years of telling myself not to. Lately, in the middle of writing this article, I paid closer attention to the issue. I made an effort to let other person finish. Not only that, I pause after he finishes. I smile and I nod, but I say nothing. The result? More relaxed atmosphere, better understanding, less friction, less arguments.

I'd like to conclude this post, and this series on communications, with the song << 风生水起>>. It's a song from the latest "Super Boys" competition in China. I like it a lot. It's a good example that power comes from words, not from how they're spoken. "金戈铁马,弹指一挥,黄昏白首孤烟炊". How vivid. How poignant. It's also a good example that being cool - paced and reserved, touches people more than being hot - rushed and exaggerated.

--- the end ---

Other posts in my First Job 系列

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  • 工作学习 / 事业与工作 / At Work: Communications (9)
    • THANK YOU!
    • 要是有人给翻译成华文就好了
      • Objection! It wouldn't have been as meaningful if translated. BTW, I still don't understand how "金戈铁马,弹指一挥,黄昏白首孤烟炊" is related to the point - IMO this article would be even better without the last paragraph.:-)
        • "金戈铁马"一句, 确实与文章无关, 但是这首歌却是一个好例子: 很平淡, 很 low key, 确很感人.
      • English to Chinese (Traditional) translation 良好的交談就像是一首好歌:優雅與感動。
        本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛English to Chinese (Traditional) translation
        良好的交談就像是一首好歌:優雅與感動。

        有一次我聽著,我妻子的電話採訪。她的英語非常好,所以是她的技術指標。然而,在我看來,她並沒有做好這些訪談。為什麼呢?因為她說話太快,她的聲音太大,往往是高音調。

        我們很多人有同樣的問題。我們說話快表明我們是良好的英語或良好的主題。我們大聲說話的“強調”我們的觀點。不幸的是,無論是好的。

        說話太快或太大聲,很容易留下的印象是,我們沒有信心,否則我們緊張。這削弱了我們的效力,傳播者。

        最好的辦法,強調我們的觀點,具有諷刺意味的是降低我們的聲音。在經典電影“教父”,大老闆總是說暴徒用低沉的聲音,有時甚至很難聽到。但他從來沒有恐嚇他的對手。這是同樣的,他的兒子邁克爾,指定的繼承人。邁克爾說的場景與他的哥哥弗雷多,是一個很好的例子,權力不需要高喊:弗雷多說話最多,叫喊和尖叫,而邁克爾只說了幾句話,幾乎像耳語。在通信技術,我們的力量來自於實力雄厚的實力我們的理據或對我們的立場,而不是從我們的聲音的實力。

        良好的溝通強調節奏。就像一首好歌:有時慢,有時快,有時在兩者之間。他們去緩慢,複雜的邏輯。他們走的快成為一個嚴重的問題。他們停下來給他們的觀眾的時間來咀嚼。他們提供一個字的結論在同一時間,不留下任何餘地誤解。

        我們也應該讓其他人有節奏。我們很多人習慣性地中斷的人。我這樣做,即使現在,經過多年的告訴自己不要。最近,在中間寫這篇文章時,我付出更加關注這個問題。我曾努力讓其他人完成。不僅如此,我暫停後,他的成績。我微笑著和我點點頭,但我無話可說。結果呢?更為寬鬆的氛圍,更好的了解,減少摩擦,少爭論。

        我想結束這個帖子,這個系列的通訊功能,採用的歌曲<<風生水起>>。這是一首歌曲,從最新的“超級男孩”在中國的競爭。我喜歡它了。這是一個很好的例子,權力來自詞,而不是從他們是如何發言。 “金戈鐵馬,彈指一揮,黃昏白首孤煙炊”。如何生動。如何尖銳。這也是一個很好的例子,作為涼 - 節奏和保留的,更不是被觸動人們熱 - 匆忙和誇張。更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
        • 哈哈,这回看懂了。good job. I like it !
        • 简体版 。
          本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Good conversation is like a good song: elegant and touching.良好的交谈就像是一首好歌:优雅与感动。

          I once listened in on my wife's phone interviews.有一次我听着,我妻子的电话采访。 Her English is good and so are her technicals.她的英语非常好,所以是她的技术指标。 However, in my opinion, she didn't do well in these interviews.然而,在我看来,她并没有做好这些访谈。 Why?为什么呢? Because she talked too fast and her voice was too loud, often high-pitched.因为她说话太快,她的声音太大,往往是高音调。

          Many of us have the same problem.我们中很多人有同样的问题。 We talk fast to show we're good with English or good with the subject.我们说话快表明我们是良好的英语或与主题好。 We talk loud to "emphasize" our points.我们大声说话的“强调”我们的观点。 Unfortunately, neither is good.不幸的是,无论是好的。

          Talking too fast or too loud could easily leave the impression that we're not confident or we're nervous.说话太快或太大声,很容易留下的印象是,我们没有信心,否则我们紧张。 This weakens our effectiveness as a communicator.这削弱了我们作为一个沟通的有效性。

          The best way to emphasize our points, ironically, is to lower our voice.最好的办法,强调我们的观点,具有讽刺意味的是降低我们的声音。 In the classic movie "The Godfather", the big mob boss always talked in a low voice, sometimes even hard to hear.在经典电影“教父”,大黑帮老大总是在低声交谈,有时甚至很难听到。 Yet he never failed to intimidate his opponents.但他从来没有恐吓他的对手。 It's the same with his son Michael, the heir designate.这与他的儿子迈克尔一样,指定的继承人。 The scene where Michael argued with his older brother Fredo is a great example that power doesn't need shouting: Fredo talked the most, yelling and screaming, while Michael only said a few words, almost like whispering.迈克尔的场景与他的哥哥弗雷多认为是一个很好的例子,这种力量不需要高喊:弗雷多说话最多,叫喊和尖叫,而迈克尔只说了几句话几乎像耳语。 In communications, our power comes from the strength of our arguments or the strength of our position, not from the strength of our voice.在通信技术,我们的力量来自于我们的论点是我们的力量或实力,而不是从我们的声音的力量。

          Good communicators emphasize rhythm.良好的沟通强调节奏。 Like a good song: sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes in between.就像一首好歌:有时慢,有时快,有时在两者之间。 They go slow with complicated logic.它们可以用于复杂的逻辑缓慢。 They go fast to dramatize a point.他们走的快成为一个严重的问题。 They pause to give their audience time to chew.他们停下来给他们的观众的时间来咀嚼。 They deliver the conclusion one word at a time, leaving no room for misunderstanding.他们提供一次一个字的结论,没有空间留给误解。

          We should also let other people have rhythm.我们也应该让其他人有节奏。 Many of us habitually interrupt people.我们很多人习惯性地中断的人。 I do this even now, after years of telling myself not to.我这样做即使是现在,经过告诉自己绝不年。 Lately, in the middle of writing this article, I paid closer attention to the issue.最近,在写这篇文章中,我付出更加关注这个问题。 I made an effort to let other person finish.我曾努力让其他人完成。 Not only that, I pause after he finishes.不仅如此,我暂停后,他的成绩。 I smile and I nod, but I say nothing.我微笑着和我点点头,但我无话可说。 The result?结果呢? More relaxed atmosphere, better understanding, less friction, less arguments.更为宽松的氛围,更好的了解,减少摩擦,少争论。

          I'd like to conclude this post, and this series on communications, with the song << 风生水起>> .我想结束这个帖子,这个通讯系列歌曲,用<<风生水起>> 。 It's a song from the latest "Super Boys" competition in China.这是一个从最新的“超级男孩”的歌曲在中国的竞争。 I like it a lot.我喜欢它了。 It's a good example that power comes from words, not from how they're spoken.这是一个很好的例子,权力来自也就是说,从他们是如何说没有。 "金戈铁马,弹指一挥,黄昏白首孤烟炊". “金戈铁马,弹指一挥,黄昏白首孤烟炊”。 How vivid.如何生动。 How poignant.如何尖锐。 It's also a good example that being cool - paced and reserved, touches people more than being hot - rushed and exaggerated.这也是一个很好的例子,作为凉 - 节奏和保留的,更不是被触动人们热 - 匆忙和夸张。更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
          • 佩服,佩服... 你这个CO-OP学生翻译的实在是字字精辟入髓。从师朱生豪,傅雷还是叶君健, 季羡林?
        • 讲的很在理,请问1-8在你可以找到?谢谢
      • what is 华文?
    • Thanks for sharing!
    • Bravo! It's good to see one of the most-valuable posters become productive again -- after quite a while.
      • ++i;
    • thumps up
      • I know it's typo, should be thum(b)s up instead of thum(p)s up. b is up, p is down you know。。。
        • thx u r right, Mr. np... oops, better up than down, how about Mr. nb?
          • Mr. nb? Good name! nb is awesome, np is awful, I am awful indeed。。。:-(
    • Nice! A slap in the face for whoever touting "事业与工作版无用论".
      • positive, positive...no slap in anyone's face..
    • Based on my current experience: working in a team of around 10 people, I feel the same thing. Thanks for the post. It is helpful.
    • Thanks for sharing, very nice article
    • Well said. However, I don't quite agree with you if we put the context of communication at WORK. I believe that clarity and logic is of higher importance than being "elegant" or " touching".
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛For people like us who use English as a working language, I believe that effective communication has higher priority and it is easier to achieve with practice. To be able to converse clearly and precisely among coworkers is crucial to move up.

      Speaking in rhythm is more of an art than a skill. And not many people can achieve that in their whole life even in their mother tongue. It is up to a whole other level. Occasionally I meet people who possess that talent and it is quite an enjoyment to hear them speak, and no surprise many of them are in senior management positions.

      Effective communication means we can organize our thoughts and sentences, and tailor to whom we are talking to and to different circumstances. Yes we do need to pace ourselves and speak in a calm and reasonable manner to show confidence as well as respect for other people.

      Some comments/observations I heard/had about Chinese people are they just smile and nod even when they disagree with you. I wonder if they would have similar reactions in a Chinese setting. There might be cultural differences. But how can people know what is in your mind or if you are truely engaged in the conversation if you don’t speak out?

      To be a good communicator doesn’t mean you have to hide your thoughts or avoid the topic if you have different views, unless you think it is NOT important. I mean, if you want your opinions to be heard and valued, you want your hard work and yourself to be respected professionally, you do need to find a polite way to disagree. This is the culture here, to be straightforward but not rude.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • 红卫兵是我尊敬的一位。红卫兵的这篇文章写跑题了。文章开头第一句话说要讨论 "Good conversation "。 也就是说要讨论"对话"的。但,通篇讲的却是"Speech"。 "对话"的首要特点是发生在两个人之间的一项活动。你一言,我一语,相互交换着各自的思想。
        在两个人的对话中,如果只有一个人在滔滔不绝的讲话,不管如何legant and touching,不能算做GOOD CONVERSATION,最多算是GOOD SPEECH。做一个好的SPEECH 很难,做一个好的CONVERSATION 更难。因为后者是一种动态的交流。
        • agree
          省的你辛苦再改:)
          • 他的立题是很好的。关于如何DELIVER A SPEECH,已有好多文章论述,也很难写出新意。但很少看到文章讲如何做一个好的"对话者",好的"交谈者"。
        • That's interesting. I meant to write about conversation. And I still think it's about conversation.
          • "对话"中的第一要务不是"说"的艺术,而是"听"的艺术,"反馈"的艺术。不成功的对话大都不是由不会说引起的,而是由不会听引起的,不会FEEDBACK 引起的。这仅仅是我自己的一个PERSPECTIVE。跟你的不冲突。
            • 我觉得红卫兵同学注意到了语速语调的问题,因而提倡更优雅的交流.我的观点是如果是职场先学习有效的交流,条理清晰,有理有节.不要为了避免冲突就做好好先生
              • 我能理解你的观点。红卫兵讲的是"BE NICE"。在职场中,我们需要一个"工具箱"。这里面,不但有工具"BE NICE",还要有"BE NASTY","BE AGGRESSIVE","BE LOW PROFILE",多多益善。在职场的争斗中,我们能根据具体情况使用最合适的工具,以达到自身利益的最大化。
                • 我哪里说了要nice?我说要重视节奏,力争平和,是因为这样符合自然规律,跟nice无关。
                  • 从网络协议的角度讲,你说的是传输层的事儿,我说的是对话层的事儿。"Being nice", 是我对你文章整体目的一个抽象。可能抽的不好,瞎抽。
      • You have good points. By "smile and nod", I mean to encourage the other side to completely finish his ideas, as opposed to rushing him. I didn't mean to hide my views at all.
      • This post is only about rhythm and tone. I talked about clarity and logic in other posts.
        • 不好意思没看到以前的贴子就断章取义了.不过我的确是有感而发.
          一个搞技术的同胞,本来在组里资历学历最高,对人也热心,就是提不上去,我们都替他惋惜,归根到底就是交流有问题,正好看到你的贴子就借题发挥了一番.

          其实我非常同意你说的节奏问题,也正努力提高.不过如果你同事里有几个aggressive的洋人,就要学会适时抢话,有时侯先机也很重要.等他们滔滔不绝说完,别人都认可了,你的观点就很难有机会传达.
          • 没关系,你说的有道理。
      • well said too!!!
    • Am I the only person who thinks it's useless?
      • 我觉得红卫兵写的很好 (尽管我们很多观点有很大的不同),至少让我在今天的会上很注意发言的elegance,有没有用那就因人而异了吧。
      • 是的,当你自己已经做得很好的时候,这帖子对你来说就变得useless了。
      • 这是针对国人喜欢不自觉打断别人的发言,常常谈话声音过高旁人以为吵架等问题,还是有些用处,不知为何加精?
    • 红卫兵小同学更多谈到了现象,可更多分析本质。本质我觉得是1) 我们大多英语不够熟练,so by speaking fast to show our English IS fluent - but often not naturally or even not clearly or correctly ! 2) by speaking loud to "Make Sure" people can catch us.
      Both are natural results (phenomina) of our lacking of confidence on our English. Local people won't have such problem, not because they are more elegant or whatever than us, but their English way way better than ours.
      • 看着中国人和中国人在中文网站所非中文,别扭吧!你说"红卫兵小同学",你怎么知道红卫兵的年龄?
        • 就凭他英语这么好, 他猜他年纪肯定小。
          大小也都是相对的。 小有时更是一种肯定,让人觉得亲切, - 因为说老同学在这里更不靠谱。 ... ps:别问我 - 你怎么知道他是他,而非她? - 开个玩笑!
      • Sam 同学所言,不无道理。但是我接触的大部分职场的同胞,英文都没有大问题,问题是communication skills。今天开会,一位英文很流利的同胞,每两三句话就是一串“no no no”,三番五次的shut down一位会友,直到该会友 give up。
        • 你讲的那位那确实communication skills有问题;不仅如此,更重要的-也许更困难的-是需要提高 social skill 和自身素质。 语言再流利,如果不会说话,那他即使说中文 我看也不会悦耳优雅,或许更难听。
          如果人一旦带有功利性,或个性缺陷,那么他言行举止很难表现的优雅得体。很难得 还有这样的同胞 能在职场表现得如此自在啊,仿佛 Feel at Home or in China!